The movie that drove me insane Options

[MARS]

Yesterday, I watched what may very well be one of, if not THE worst movie of the first decade: Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus

Yep, it's one of those Asylum movies. Terrible plot, godawful CGI that makes early PS2 graphics look cutting-edge and some of the worst dialogue I have ever seen in a movie. As the title suggests, this one is about a giant prehistoric shark fighting against a giant prehistoric octopus. How giant are they? Well, the shark is big enough to eat a friggin' 747. Why am I using that as an example? Cos that's exactly what it does in the movie; 747 flies over ocean, shark jumps out of the water, eats 747 in mid-air. The octopus on the other hand is big enough to tear down an oil platform and throw submarines.

In addition to this potentially awesome, yet stupidly executed premise, which the movie plays with a painfully straight face, you get your typical garden variety of stereotypical characters, including the closest thing to a human bad guy who's running the entire military operation to destroy the monsters. He's a slimy, ponytail-wearing macho dirtbag with an ill-defined position of authority (he doesn't even look in any way military, yet giving orders to friggin' admirals without ANY semblance of professional respect) dropping clanger after clanger with several culturally insensitive statements, including racial slurs against Japanese people and and an Irish character to the point where it probably says more about the script writers - and in this particular case, the people who localised the script - than it says about the actual character.

On top of that, there's tons of very stupid, very unsubtle political references, like how the USA totally blew it on hurricane Katrina, that modern science is mostly evil, that the shark and the octopus are somehow nature's revenge for global warming and, for some utterly bizarre reason, even a random Guantanamo reference thrown in for good measure. And since I saw the movie on television, it was all dubbed in German, mostly by people who really, REALLY shouldn't dub ANYthing. The point where I literally lost what little sanity I had left in my mind came when the heroine remarked that, "the shark and the octopus are natural enemies that fight each other out of HATRED and that they HATE each other so much that they kept fighting each other, against their survival instinct, WHILE the ice age was starting and that they got frozen in a glacier BY the ice age WHILE STILL FIGHTING EACHOTHER". I shit you not; when I heard this, I literally noticed something in my head going 'snap'. I don't know what it was yet, but here's hoping it wasn't too important...

As for my final verdict, I do, despite all criticisms, recommend that you should watch this movie. If it doesn't outright break your mind, you may still have a few great laughs, especially with friends around which I, unfortunately, hadn't.

[Overdose]

The 747 shark attack scene makes it worth watching the movie IMO.

[MARS]

I especially liked how one of the passengers tells the stewardess that he'll be getting married in two days, completely unasked and out of any context.
It's like the script writers deliberately put that in, thinking it'd make us care for these people...which didn't work.

[Overdose]

Only the Japanese are gifted enough to pass something this silly as serious.

[ComeOn]

The title itself made me want to laugh.
And groan.
At the same time.

This post has been edited by ComeOn: 26 May 2011, 0:50

[Overdose]

Another terrible but at the same time entertaining movie is The Room. Directed, written and produced by Tommy Wiseau.

[MARS]

You forgot to mention that he also plays the main character. The entire film is pretty much the guy's personal wish-fulfilment wank-fantasy.

[MARS]

Attention to all German members: Stay the hell away from channel TELE5 tonight. There's another Asylum movie on right now; Transmorphers, which is basically a really terrible version of Terminator with a faux-Transformers title slabbed on. All you really need to know is this: In 2009, we found life on another planet, 20 million lightyears away. We sent a message of peace. FIVE YEARS LATER, we received their answer - in the form of an invasion by millions of killer CGI robots. Now, 95% of humanity are dead and it's up to a bunch of bland, bitchy pseudo-militaries in leather jackets who address female superiors as 'sir' to stop them. And before anyone asks, none of this was added by the localisation; the original script really is that bad.