Writing test Options

[BlackRangerXIII]

Don't mind me but this is a small fan fiction where I'm testing out a new way of writing, Like a report or something
Click the link below for more info:
How did I do?

PS: Can you find the Easter eggs that I've placed?

This post has been edited by BlackRangerXIII: 7 Aug 2014, 3:21

[ComradeCrimson]

Read it, you need to use better control over your punctuation and capitalization of words in sentences. As for the actual flow of writing, try to avoid run on sentences and redundant phrases:

An example of this would be-

"...to be the ECA’s future space Hazard suit Formerly created ESA (European Space Agency). The Venom suit uses both Cutting and Bleeding edge technology in it’s systems, allowing it to have a powerful combat edge over their its opponents."

Instead change to-

"...to be the ECA's future space hazard suit, designed by the ESA (European Space Agency). The Venom suit uses cutting edge technology, allowing it to have a powerful combat edge over its opponents."

Another example-

"The venoms were designed to combine Speed, Strength, Endurance, and Firepower in our minds. as such both Variants are Reinforced with Hyper laminated reinforced hypersteel- Explosive Reactive Hybrid “Jormungand” Pattern plates that is designed to be Strong and easy to be layered repeatedly and it’s also heavily resistant to EMP."

To-

"The Venoms are designed to combine speed, strength, endurance and firepower. Both variants are reinforced with "Jormungand pattern" laminated hypersteel plates that have reactive explosive armour, which is designed to be strong and easily layered with resistance to EMP weaponry."


There is other edits that could be done too to make the work flow and read better but it's late here and I'll let you review your own stuff with some of the things pointed out. When you are describing something use only as much information as you need- you can have highly detailed and descriptive works and sentences, but the key is not to speak redundantly. Be concise with your words and utilize vocabulary appropriately to maximize the efficiency and delivery of each sentence, unless you are writing in the context of a particular character with a distinct manner of speech or thought process.

Otherwise it'll be fairly taxing to read. Hope this helps.

This post has been edited by ComradeCrimson: 7 Aug 2014, 8:17

[BlackRangerXIII]

I want the character to bring a long text of things, since he is actually building a thorough report for his superiors