Back in the late 1980's some geniuses came up with the idea of making a TV show that centered around showing terrabad B-movies and making snarky comments while the film played. This show was called Mystery Science Theater 3000 (or MST3K for short) and it was one of the greatest inventions of mankind. It ran for about a decade before being canned and today the same guys have their own spinoff known as Rifftrax. Anyways, here are some of the best MST3K episodes. Most of the lines are, IMNSHO, meme-worthy.
Mitchell: A cop movie starring Joe Don Baker as a slovenly, out of shape, buffoonish detective. Featuring the lamest car chase ever! The best part of the MST3K has to be the "Mitchell song" that the crew come up with when Mitchell is escaping from the villain. "Mitchell! Mitchell! Your eye's on the sammich! Mitchell! Heart's poundin'! Mitchell! Arteries cloggin'! Wakajawakawakajawaka..."
My personal favorite, Space Mutiny: In a time at some point way in the future, there are literally many people living in a large basement warehouse - I'm sorry, I mean a large spaceship, clearly a spaceship, what with all the storage area and forklifts and security guards sitting around at massive metal desks, the kinds of things one expects to find in a spaceship, and not at all in a basement warehouse or other planet-bound industrial facility -- just kind of drifting around the galaxy, apparently having fled some sort of awkward situation on Earth; maybe they'll settle down on a planet someday, who knows, what the hey.
This placid bunch is ruled by a bearded Cameron Mitchell and his elderly daughter in hot pants (the pants being the hot item in this case, and not what they envelop), and all seems well until the movie starts, when the security forces in this warehouse (spaceship!! Darn!) come to their senses and plan a mutiny to force Captain Santa to land anywhere.
The bad guys are foiled when the thickly-muscled Rider, a free-lance jock/pilot, bullies his way to the top in this goofy world, simply because he and no one else has any command or leadership qualities. There is fighting; there are guys falling over railings; there are some real skinny dancing girls (the kind you would in fact expect to find dancing in a warehouse space), and after we get to see Rider and The World's Oldest Daughter rolling on the concrete floor of this spaceship, the mutiny is put down.
Another so-horrible-its funny film, Hobgoblins: The vast, deserted movie lot of a once-prominent Hollywood film studio is home to a vicious group of furry, grinning, toothy little aliens who read their victims' minds and kill them by making their dreams come true. But I've got this week's show to talk about, so I'll get back to that situation later.
I'm kidding, of course. That IS the story of Hobgoblins. There's a lot more, too. Why, there's a nerd who's really into phone sex; a mean guy with a van who delights in beating up his friends; a wiry slut with a perpetual sneer and her uptight never-been-blanked friend; an old janitor, a bad nightclub emcee, and a hairy bouncer, and all this disparate crew are united by two very important things: they can't act and I don't care about them. Neither will you, once you've seen this movie.
Oh, I forgot, there's our requisite hero who doesn't do anything. Other than that I can't remember anything about him.
Just so this summary does its job, here's the basic outline: These hobgoblins escape the studio, follow a rookie security guard home, and all his friends are nearly killed by their perverted fantasies. Following a long scene at a "strip" club that simply does not fulfill its stated premise, the hobgoblins somehow get back to the studio (I honestly forget how and I refuse to go look) where a crotchety older security guard who's been keeping them trapped for decades saves the day by blowing them up.
Which, of course, begs the question as to why he didn't do that a long time ago, but you won't have enough energy to ask that question, believe me.
Must see-it to believe it. The Final Sacrifice:This film gives us insight into the banality of banality and would have us believe that murderous cults are a bad thing. Zap Rowsdower is a guy who was in a cult of Canadian wrestlers known as the Ziox, then he either dropped out or got kicked out -- hang on, I gotta go check with Paul Chaplin about the plot of this film.
Sorry, I'm back, he didn't know much about this movie either.
Anyway, Zap Rowsdower befriends Troy, whose father was killed by Zap when Zap was in the cult. Zap took a leave of absence from the cult and does battle with the boss of the cult, a weird guy in a trenchcoat named Sartoris, because he wants Zap back in the cult.
Just a sec, I'm gonna go check with Mike Nelson, ask him if he remembers anything about this film... thanks for waiting. Mike was not sure, but was mostly upset about how women were portrayed in the film.
So anyways, the Ziox want to find their lost city, and thus rule the world. Or something like that.
Troy is understandably miffed when he learns that Zap is the guy who is responsible for his father's death. But Zap has turned out to be a good friend, albeit with hockey hair, so what is Troy to do? Somehow at the end, the two become fast friends.
(Btw...how do you embed Google vids?)