Okay, some analysis...
- I -really- don't like the whole 'my father tried to rape me' angle, namely because it falls quite badly into
Rape As Backstory and
Rape As Drama territory. If you choose to write a story involving an occurence of sexual assault, it -has- to be treated as a major narrative centrepiece with proper characterisation, meaning and consequence, not a side show thrown in for shock value that doesn't amount to anything. It is an incredibly difficult thing to handle well which is why I typically stay away from it entirely because a bad execution of that kind of premise may darken or, at worst, ruin an entire story.
- I see that you're trying to tie many established canon elements into your narrative, but it kinda gets to the point of name dropping. Like the story is less about the actual character, her experiences and feelings and more about her retelling past events from the official story. As such, it kinda lacks an identity of its own to be honest and I can't really see where it might go, now that it has caught up with the 'present' point of the official story as well.
- I'm not
sure if it's logically possible for Moreau to be with the 2e REP in Alaska, then with the 1er RPIMa during WW3, seeing how the 2e REP is actually part of the Foreign Legion; I wouldn't know how much of the rank and file of the Legion is made up of born French nationals from France, rather than naturalised foreigners. This, military ranks and the bit about the Venom prices, measured in what is apparently a Finnish currency, is the kind of detail that opens a story to plot holes and logical inconsistencies. It's nice to have details that add to the story without being essential to it, but a detail that strikes the reader as inconsistent or implausible has a negative effect, so you might want to rework some of those. One thing that struck me as particularly odd is how she knew the names of the Russian grunts she killed in Scandinavia. We as the audience knew them because they were introduced to us by an omniscient narrator and through their conversation in Ride of the Valkyries, but how does
she know them?
- Mcbob raised an important point when he mentioned the Mary Sue thing. Throwing rape into her backstory doesn't change much about the fact that Moreau comes off as kinda one-dimensionally ideal. At the end of the day, one -has- to remember that military hierarchies are built heavily on age, seniority and experience, so the notion of someone reaching their position at an implausibly early age is always hard to swallow. I realise that you set up that age thing the way you did so you can tie it in with her memories of previous canon events, but that's not an ideal premise for a story. Sure, it's nice if you can have references, but the story feels like it's artificially bent to fit that premise of referencing events, instead of being a real thing of its own that
naturally happens to have some occasional connections.
I hope that was of some use.